A Proposed New Year's Congressional Resolution

A Resolution Mandating Bread and Water Diets for All Legislators

WHEREAS Congress spends the taxpayers' money on many fruitless endeavors such as Bridges to Nowhere, Hearings on the BCS College Football Rankings,

WHEREAS Members of Congress too often use their time on the floor to mug shamelessly for press attention like preening teenage starlets,

WHEREAS, in the words of Thomas Jefferson, no man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the Legislature is in session,

WHEREAS Fasting is conducive towards establishing habits of self-denial,

WHEREAS Self-Denial lessens congressmen's avaricious plundering of the treasury for oneself and one's allies,

WHEREAS Fasting is uncomfortable,

WHEREAS Uncomfortable senators will be more inclined to speed through a congressional session without spending all of the taxpayers' money and then some,

BE IT RESOLVED:

That while congress is in session all congressmen under the age of 65 who have no medical or religious reasons to do otherwise shall consume a diet consisting only of bread and water three times a day until the close of the session.

And

That whosoever of this body is found in violation of said resolution shall be fined no less than $500 and have his or her violation mockingly read into the Congressional Record by the Speaker of the House.