Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Against Caesarism

I am sick of presidential funerals.

Why did several key institutions shut down simply for the death of a former president of little consequence who died of old age? The local mail is backed up by four days of snow and two holidays. Gerald Ford's funeral has added to that backlog, making it an exact week.

Why is tax money being spent on a funeral rivaling that of royalty? Why are we giving politicians even more chances to praise their fellow politicians?

I am sick of government officials creating memorials for themselves and their predecessors. Let's stop naming schools and prominent public buildings after them and start putting their names on sewage treatment plants and prisons.

While we're at it, we should remove the images of presidents and their cabinet members from our coinage, replacing them with wildlife and non-politician historical figures. I'm sure some Southerners would love to replace Lincoln with Elvis.

We should vandalize the blasphemous mock-Pantocrator Apotheosis of Washington in the capitol building, and dynamite the presidential memorials littering DC. The Mount Rushmore Memorial ruined a perfectly good eroding mountain with the sixty-foot heads of Teddy Roosevelt and friends. Presidential statues should be prominent only in presidential hometowns, party headquarters, and Ozymandias homages.

We won't even have to commemorate the anniversary of our iconoclasm.

1 comment:

Hoodlum said...

Thank you. It would be one thing if the closures were focused, like federal buildings in DC, CA, or MI, to avoid traffic problems and for the odd employee who liked Ford.

Of course, when I, America's first czar, die, I plan to shut down the government as well, so perhaps I am being hypocritcal.